Friday, 31 October 2014

Daddy issues can't be your only excuse

I watched Khanyi Mbau explain why she married her business mogul husband Mandla Mthembu one night on SABC 2's Motswako. I couldn't figure out whether it was courage or her attention-seeking ways that made her decide to do the show. Perhaps because of the hype she had roused up in social media, in a country of highly opinionated individuals she felt she owed us all an explanation.
her explanation- her father was absent all her life and so she wanted that fatherly love (kind of gross) she referred to a monster inside of her that needed to be fed. Mandla fed this monster with gifts and that sexy Lamborghini she drove. Khanyi Mbau married a man old enough to be her father because she had daddy issues.
Growing up I was mostly surrounded by strong women, women with direction who knew what they wanted. The only father figure I had was my grandfather who was everyone's father at home. To my cousins and I he was our father, we paid little to no attention to the issue of our biological fathers. If daddy issues was the perfect reason to get yourself a sugar daddy, my grandfather would then have a son-in-law his age kind of problem.
Khanyi Mbau wasn't the first young woman to marry a man who's much much older, its been done before but no one has been so outspoken about her reasons for doing it, and expecting others. When choosing to date or marry an older man, your daddy issues can't be the only reason why you're with him. Talk to us about types and how you're attracted to his maturity and mind. NOT YOUR DADDY ISSUES.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

I am ok with being me

I recall a time in my life when I despised my cheeks, I hated  my chubby cheeks that others described as cute. I was 10 years while others called me "piglet" some chose to go with "Sis'Wey'Qhomo" which directly translated means- Sister with the cheeks. Oh the cruelty of the children.

In primary school I was teased so much that I let it get to me. I genuinely believed something was wrong with my face. I just wanted a skinny looking face with defined cheekbones, that which the people around me defined to be beautiful. I had come to believe that without the cheeks I would finally feel and be beautiful.

while that was the situation at school at home I had to deal with being fat. we grew up a group of six(my cousins and I), I was and still am the heavier one of the six. My grandfather loved to spoil us, and so he bought us swings, because he can. After enjoying the swings for a while they broke(as expected). Yet an uncle who was visiting told me that I am the reason the swings broke because I am fat. Those words came from an adult, hard to believe huh?

Being born an overweight baby made my being bigger than the rest ok, and so I grew up to be a fairly confident young woman. The experiences though, taught me how to be comfortable in my own skin. With these events I learnt how to embrace my flaws, accept my flaws and work with what I have.

The weird thing with growing up, is the sudden realisation of how unique this supposed flaw makes you look. this thing that everyone else thought was just wrong is the one thing that makes you look beautiful. the sooner you accept yourself as you are, embrace these flaws and be yourself you will see the beauty in you and be ok with being you.

Friday, 10 October 2014

Why a baby before marriage is a bad idea

In today's society having a child before marriage has become a norm. Parents have given up and accepted the situation for what it is. The situation- more and more women or rather girls are having children before marriage.

The older generation of women make the conscious decision and have a child before getting married. This group of women is between ages 23 and 38. They are mature and want a child. most of them understand what they are putting themselves into. Then there's the younger group, I know this group well because I am part of it ( having had a child at a delicate young age myself)

So what comes with having a child before getting married?
Not only do you have to be a single parent(without having planned it) you know in your mind that the other party is out there and couldn't be bothered. This is not always the case but its common the guy doesn't stay. you falling pregnant was a mistake after all. This means you now have to deal with this man who comes and goes as he pleases, imagine an on and off relationship that does not make sense to you, yet you find yourself in it for years. (this happens because you are still a child yourself being under 20 and all) then one day it hits you you've been holding on for your child. NOT healthy. LET GO

So now you'v let go, now comes the baby daddy drama, there's a child involved who needs to know his/her father its their right after all. All those visits where you have to see this man's face all over again bleeh. There's his current girlfriend who uploads pictures of your child on Facebook captioned "miss my son" and you just wonder. but you let it slide. Things are just so complicated when there's a child involved breaking up is hard enough because your exes family feels they need an explanation and you just don't understand ba siphi kanti?

now you've moved on and you've met a great guy who's all in, even wants to get to know your child, a delicate matter all on its own. Your child must know their father right? yes. Even if that works out there's this man(your ex) who will always be a part of your life even if you have successfully moved on he will just be there as the father of your child. such is life hey

the points I have mentioned are only but a few things a person may avoid just by making the right decision. by no means am I saying that marriage is the answer to all your baby daddy drama. I just hope we all survive it all.

By all means join the conversation

If you have known me long enough you will realize that this is not my first blog, I have tried this life before. I wouldn't call it failure but just a display of my unending confusion about life in general. yes I am undecided person. I need time to think about things and experience has taught me that if it doesn't work leave it, and try something else. This is me welcoming you.